Love Is Never Easy, Love Is Hard
Everybody wants love, everyone’s dream is to find the right person who would love them the right way. But has anyone ever had the thought that, just maybe when the love they have been praying for comes, they may not be ready?
Sometimes we think all that is required in loving someone is having feelings for that person. But love is much more, love is a choice. You choose to love someone continuously every day. That someone will change eventually, they might abuse you. You choose to continuously give someone the power to hurt you.
S0me people are good at being in love, some people are good at love. Two very different things, I think being in love is the romantic part- sex all the time, midday naps in the sheets, the jokes, the laughs the fun, long conversations with no pauses, overwhelming separation anxiety. Just the best sides of both people, you know? But love begins when the excitement of being in love starts to fade: the stress of life sets in, the butterflies disappear, the sex becomes a chore, the tears, the sadness, the arguments etc.
The worst parts of both people. But if you still want that person by your side through all those things. That’s when you know – that’s when you know you are good at love.
Every relationship will get boring after you have been together for years. Love isn’t a feeling it is a commitment to love every day, physically and emotionally. it is difficult, it is not always laughing, smiles and fun. People tend to quit when it stops being fun and they go look for someone else. But that is not how it works. you want someone to never give up on you, and love you unconditionally, then do the same. Be the change. Love someone when you don’t want to. When they aren’t the easiest to deal with. When they are hard to love.
Furthermore, with love, you break down your walls, you become vulnerable. Most people have mastered the art of giving love so much so that, they have made their hearts a one-way street.
They want to give love and not expect to receive love in return. This is because, they don’t want to look dependent, weak, or disappointed when their dreams of love don’t come through. But love is risking everything. Your heart, trust and self.
Love comes with vulnerability. You share with your partner your inner demons and outside angels. In a relationship that both partners are in love, they have to be able to bring down their walls and share their rags, pains and scars.
If you can’t trust them with your scars, why the hell should you show them your stars?
If they only love the highlight of you that looks cute, they don’t deserve you. With love, they should be able to reach out to your darkness. Give you the chance to peel layer by layer without judging you but support you.
You can be scared; what if I showed them my pains and my rags. What if i showed them I’m not Cinderella, and that my rags are very dirty? Will they stay?
What if i showed them the things i did, so i never get hungry again? The drugs i took to numb my pain? The abortions i had, the beds i got to lay on in search of validation? What if i showed them my darkness? Will they still stay?
The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly, you’ll see their flaws. That’s just the way it is. This is why marriages fail, why children are abandoned, why friendships don’t last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they are out of money, or under pressure or hungry. Love is something different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with them in spite of their filthy heart. Love is patient and kind, love is deliberate. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice, it’s seeing the darkness in another person and defying the urge to run.
Nonetheless, that is the difficulty of love. Before you say you love someone, means that’s the person you’ve chosen to open up your-self to and hope they love back every inch of your being.
However, you never know. No one is perfect, everybody has got their own skeletons in their cupboard. So, there’s no need to beat yourself up.
When you love yourself enough, vulnerability becomes your strength If you have not forgiven and embraced your darkness, why do you think another person should?
Hence, love starts from you first. Learn to co-bate with your flaws first. Be independent and validate yourself first. Any other love is a bonus.
Love can be hard, but when we understand it, study it and apply it rightly, it can be our strongest weapon.