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The Road To My Heart

The way to my heart is stiff, narrow and contains road blocks. I’m trapped in my own walls and I’m so comfortable being shut down.

To get to my heart darling, you have to be ready to get bruised. Walking through the thorns that have grown along the way to my heart is going to hurt.




 

You are going to be wounded.

Breaking down my walls, that’s only if you make it to entrance, won’t be an easy task .

I hear people say things like , I want the road the to your heart. But how I can even give you my road map, when I can’t even feel my heart.

Talkless these days, I don’t even know whether I have a heart or not.

I’ve been numb for so long than I can remember. I don’t know what it means to feel. My experiences have shut down my abilities to serve emotions.

Love, hate, all these things are not for me. My heart has been shattered more times than it has been fixed. Broken and wiped out , I can’t even begin to trace the pieces.

I’m empty. I feel so dark, yet I want someone to shine their light on me.

I know broken hearts can find new pieces and sew themselves back together .

Healing is a process, not many are willing to undertake. I’m not even ready for that kind of journey. I think I’m already so comfortable being closed.

Although in my dreams, I want someone to crawl through the gravel, the thorns for me. I need someone fight the devils that are guarding my heart.

My strenght is weak and I also have in every way given up on me. And my ability to live again.

But still, I want to feel. I want to live, to love, to dream, to breath and most importantly I want to be free.

Free form myself. Free from my self inflicted wounds and unforgettable scars. Free from my past that has kept my in lock down.

I want to stop feeding my insecurities and letting my fears take the stage of my life.

Hence, although there’s all these blockages along the road to my heart, if you determined and resilient enough you will make it darling.

And if you finally make it to my heart, You can do with it as you please .

My heart will always be yours. And will forever be indebted to you.

I think my heart is still alive, but all it does it pump blood into my system .




2 thoughts on “The Road To My Heart”

  1. wil says:

    Hi i have recieved this message… i am in two minds why or how and i think i am losing my mind..
    You speak of Inner Pain. You have feelings that you cant deny. but you are denying yourself. i am speaking in a manner if u were my wife.
    You see i believe my wife is living with something tnat she cant disclose or is in fear of doing it..but the truth is i have always known for 11years i fought a battle of was i crazy or was it in my head . but the more and more the years past by. the more other thing 2as coming in to play which i briought up at one point but the response was of horror that i couldnt forgive myself i denied myself to the extent the distress and anguish that i am going crazy has made me feel sucidal made me question if i am actually crazy and need pysical help but i saw things i felt things and i knew i deep down.

    but what my wife doesnt know is i know what she is doing and the pain shr might be going thru.. and not wanting to break my heart.

    but the truth is. if i am not crazy and she is going being true to hearself and her choices behind close doors i alwayd just want her happiness i love her so much but not knowing the the truth and in a constant battle with my emotions is breaking me in 2..
    recently i have seriously considered sucide as i dont want to end up really mentally ill that i am imagining things i will get worse
    so really the truth will be a relief if it is true. if i am crazy
    then god help me

    1. loretha says:

      Hi, I think you need to seek help. Get to a doctor or a psychologist anyone capable of helping you restore a healthy mental state ..

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