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If They Don’t Chose You, Don’t Stay

“Can we please, just try again?” He begged. “No.” I answered, completely sure of myself. “This is crazy.” he said. “Why are you doing this? When you love someone, you don’t just give up on them—you keep trying.” Me? Keep trying? Was he serious? “See, that’s your problem right there;’ I told him. “You think that the definition of ‘love’ is staying by someone’s side no matter how poorly they treat you, and take advantage of you…”

I stopped for a second, thinking about what I’d just said—and it hit me. “And you know what? Maybe that was my problem all along too… because I stayed through all of this shit, and called it love over and over again. So actually, I’m gonna go ahead and apologize for teaching you how to love me wrong, and then blaming you for following through

But here’s the thing you can’t keep choosing someone who doesn’t choose you. You can’t. Because your person is going to be your person for the rest of your life. Not just when you’re young and things are perfect, but when things get messy and you make mistakes and the world is less shiny.

You have to make sure that you have someone by your side that wants to be there. Someone who wants to support you, and encourage you. Someone who gives you just as much effort as you give them. Someone who wants to hear your laugh, and make breakfast with you, and listen to all of your dumb jokes for twenty, or thirty, or fifty years.

Because there are difficult things in life, really hard and haunted things that make it heavy and hurtful at times. But love should not be one of those things. Love should hold your hand and help you brave those storms. Love should be your safe place. So please, just don’t give the best parts of yourself to someone who doesn’t see the value in what they are receiving. Don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t look at you and know, without hesitation, that they want to stay.

I guess this is where we say goodbye. Not the ‘we might stumble upon each other in the future’ or ‘if it’s meant to be it will be’ kind of goodbye, but the real one. The goodbye that says I’m sorry it couldn’t work out but it’s time to move on, I’m sorry that we couldn’t give each other the happiness that we deserved and I’m sorry that we broke each other to the point of no return. The goodbye that says there is no turning back now, and there will be no 11:11 wishes or small buds of hope that linger at the back of our minds on lonely nights.

The goodbye that tells us we were never meant to be, that this world had no place for us, or maybe it did but we mined it. We broke something that could’ve been so beautiful and there’s no way we can change things now because it’s too late. There’s no way we can turn the car back around to where we only had love for each other and there were no questions, insecurities or doubts, where there was nothing but love, and me, and you.

At this point I have nothing other than goodbye to say to you because my heart is tired of playing games and I’m sure yours is too. This goodbye doesn’t open any new possibilities or reasons for us to be together. Instead, it closes old chapters and doors and every seed of hope that we had. And this is the point at which we say goodbye because there is nothing left to say anymore.

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