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This Is My Goodbye

I did love you. I loved you so much I couldn’t breathe. You consumed my entire being, and that’s why I let you treat me the way you did. I don’t know what you got out of destroying me time after time, but I hope you don’t put anyone else through that. I waited for you. I gave you chance after chance and I left you with every last goddamn thing I had. And you took it all without a care in the world. I tried to hang on, because I thought you were worth it.

I think somewhere along the way, I gave up. I got tired of always trying to make everything between us okay because I wanted you in my life. Then I realized that you didn’t even care. Maybe I realized it too late, but it still hurts. Maybe I was hoping that we’d find a way to change and turn it back to what it used to be. I have to draw the line because there comes a point where I just had enough and I’d love to give up; but I never did because I had hope that it would change. Now, I think I have to make that decision because it’s not fair to the both of us —especially me. It pains me to say this, maybe because I still care, but I have to tell you goodbye. I know what my problem is now.

I can’t let people go. I put so much effort into putting them in my life that I just hang onto them. But people change and things aren’t what they used to be. I just wanted to you tell you that I’m happy you’ve stepped into my life, even for a short while. You’ve made me realize a lot of things about myself and the people around me.

But one day I just stopped waiting. I didn’t want to hear “I miss you” anymore. Although I hope you so miss me. Once I would have given my last breath for you to say that. I hope you see me so  happy that I look like I’m about to explode, and I hope it kills you. I hope you drop to the floor and feel like the breath is being sucked out of you and you realize what you gave up. Because I gave you the world and I kept fighting long after I should have stopped. You don’t deserve that.

I’m going to miss you. So, for both our sake, this is my goodbye.

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